word cup 2014 opening ceremoney

Is there anything more pointless than a World Cup opening ceremony?

Joining the league against the march of the unstoppable Sepp Blatter perhaps? Trying to find where the money’s gone again? Putting the toothpaste back in the tube?

The Olympic flame lighting gala is part of the wonder of the event. Fortunes are spent, the biggest names are hired. Histories unfold and the Arctic Monkeys rock out. By contrast, there will be 18th birthday parties in Essex this weekend that have more wit and imagination than this

Trio: Pitbull, Jennifer Lopez and Claudia Leitte perform during the opening ceremony of the 2014 World Cup in Arena de Sao Paulo

Start: J-LO acknowledges the crowd after singing the official World Cup song 'We Are One (Ola Ola)' alongside Pitbull

High notes: Singer Leitte performs during the opening ceremony of the 2014 World Cup where the Brazuca ball was before it split into segments

There were plenty of perfectly viable ways to start this World Cup — the ceremonial beheading of various disgraced FIFA executive committee members, for instance — but Brazil 2014 went for the usual.

A cast of hundreds twirling colourfully but to no real purpose, representing the same old cliches that bear about as much resemblance to the true soul of Brazil as Morris dancers would cut to the heart of old England.

Still, it was good to see the spirit of Frank Sidebottom rekindled in the dancers with what appeared to be footballs for heads. They resisted the opportunity to do Frank’s own World Cup song, Three Shirts On The Line — a pulsating tale of the time his ball went over next door’s fence — but you can’t have everything.

All opening ceremonies have a central theme, though, and this was no exception. Nature, people and football — ‘Brazil’s greatest treasures,’ according to FIFA, who would know a bit about plundering them — were the subject of this one, which included 660 dancers, floaters and others just standing for large parts of the process wondering how hot it could get inside a giant football head before a person passed out. As ever, the action was ripe with hidden meaning.

In the mood: J-LO, Leitte and Pitbull perform on the central stage in Sao Paulo ahead of the World Cup opener between Brazil and Croatia

The World Cup stage: The Brazuca ball split into segments to allow Pitbull, J-LO and Leitte to perform during the opening ceremony